I’ve dated many types of women and it occurred to me recently that their similarities and differences can be better understood using this paradigm. In intimate relationships with men, women are either princesses, parents or partners.

A princess is a women who expects to be the number one priority of whatever man she is intimate with. She expects calls, texts and presents – all reassuring symbols of her man’s affection. A princess expects a relationship to manifest on her terms. She’s royalty and has very rarely been expected to sacrifice. It’s shocking how many women I know openly admit to being princesses.

The modern father is to blame. A princess is almost always the apple of her father’s eye. Very often she is the only daughter and thus the single thing that can melt an otherwise uncompromising father figure. This relationship is the basis of her expectations. Expectations which almost inevitably lead to disappointment and depression as one man after another fails to live up to them. Princesses are the most insecure of all relationship types. They are the most affected by the thoughts of their girlfriends (thus the need to constant texts and presents as public demonstrations of affection). Princesses are also the least willing to provide support to their significant others. Princesses are thus generally unhappy in their relationships and their lives. Unfortunately this rarely improves with age.

A parent is the opposite of a princess in many ways. She pays little mind to the opinions of her girlfriends. Parents are so secure they have little need for shows of affection like texts or presents. Like a princes, a parent expects a relationship to manifest of her terms. However, parents get this or the relationship is over, while princesses are much more likely to stay around and suffer.

For this reason princess and parent relationships can often be confused. Both of these sets of women have disproportionate expectations. But they can be told apart by the simple fact that parents form long lasting, happy relationships based on compromise, while princesses generally end up unsatisfied and miserable. What’s is the cause of this difference? Parents generally attract weak, hapless men who are only too happy to serve their beck and call. In exchange parents lend these men their confidence and security. This exchange avoids arguments and forms the basis of a successful relationship. Princesses are all expectations and no exchange. They generally attract more physically attractive men, who turnout be be “assholes” for forgetting to call or bring them flowers.

A partner sits at the center of this continuum, but is an altogether different breed. Partners have expectations. Like all women they expect a certain amount of affection and love. But they give as much as they get and their motivations are totally different from princesses. Calls, texts and presents aren’t received as validation of their self worth. They aren’t to be shown off to friends. Instead they are a warm feeling inside, that is only understood in the context of a real, reciprocal, relationship. A partnership is a relatively equal exchange of care, respect and love that can’t be properly explained in words. Unlike a parent a partner depends on her man for security and confidence. Unlike a princess she is okay when her man depends of her for these same things.

Needless to say having had my fare share of princesses and parents, I am in search of a partner.

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