Three hours have passed, why hasn’t this girl text me back?! It all started three days ago in her backyard. A little booze and my group of 22 and 23 year old friends had regressed to middle school. When she spun the bottle and it landed on me I could feel our mutual excitement. After a long moist kiss, she paused and whispered, “we can do more of that later if you want.”
I did. And so I hung around as the party dispersed. That tipsy hookup, led to 72 hours of on and off “witty texting,” a common practice in which two people maintain a drawn out text conversation through the flirtatious exchange of sarcasm and wit. Not only does this intersperse laugh out loud bits of entertainment through out the day, but it is also an effective way of defusing post-hook up awkwardness.
My problem with “witty texting” is I’m not very good at it. I’m not witty. So when I had run out of my painfully calculated banter, I decided to cut to the chase: “I like you ____. Let’s play again soon.” What proceeded was a long, awkward silence, a silence that has lasted 4 weeks at my last count.
Apparently, I had broken one of the cardinal rules of courting: NEVER tell someone you like them! It is far better to disguise any emotions with aloofness, sarcasm, and long pauses before responding to phone calls or texts. Jaspar Weir has now explained this strategy to me; it’s called “Playing Games.”
Since being back in LA I have been actively dating/hooking up. But I have found the cruelest irony in this process. All of the girls I like don’t reciprocate. While the girls I’m neutral on or not attracted to, seem to call and text unremittingly. I thought I could write this off to the nature of dating or perhaps a run of personal bad luck, but now I realize it’s my fault for not “Playing Games.”
Under the new “Rules of Engagement” I must do the opposite of what I have done thus far, by showing little to no interest in those I am most interested in. The occasional funny text or Facebook poke will suffice. This should lure in whomever I am courting. Then the first few times they approach, I brush them away with, “I’m busy tonight with friends,” placing my “popularity” and “lack of interest” on full display. Finally on their last attempt to engage, I seize on the opportunity and behold a girl head over heals for me.